Cared for Yourself Lately?

So, here are two of the embarrassing commonalities five women discovered in our “Art of Soul Care” self-nurturing workshop in Carlsbad:

1) We have all held our bladders to the breaking point more often than we can count while doing things for others.

2) We all—whether single with no kids, married with kids, or something in between—feel nagging guilt when we take the time to nurture ourselves.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? These and similar themes were becoming so familiar to Carlsbad-based therapist-artist Kelley Grimes that she knew she needed to create a workshop to help people—especially women—learn better ways to care for themselves.

“I was hearing from people in all different areas of my life—clients, fellow parents, people in my faith community—things that indicated a lack of self-nurturance, which was leading them to feel really burned-out and exhausted,” she explains. “As a counselor for more than 20 years, I know well that there is such a connection between really, truly caring for ourselves and being able to do the work to better the world. I think they are very interconnected.”

I have known Kelley for several years now, and I have seen how she lives this interconnectedness. She is a devotee of yoga and meditation, a mindful parent, an activist and community leader, and an artist who creates stunning, one-of-a-kind Magical Gemstone jewelry as well as handmade journals and “intention boxes,” all infused with her healing energy and using eco-friendly materials. 

So, when I heard Kelley was offering this Art of Soul Care workshop, in her beautiful North Carlsbad home-sanctuary no less, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it.  Several other local women who are part of this four-week workshop did as well.

“This year has been especially stressful for me,” says Lisa Wellens, a mother of two grown daughters who is taking the workshop. “I am in a transitional phase of my life, and I need a quiet mind to be able to make good, thoughtful choices. I am finding the activities in the workshop relevant and inspiring.”

Kathleen Moscato is a mother of two young children, who also says The Art of Soul Care was just what she was looking for. “Kelley has created a safe and sacred place in her workshop, which has helped me find the wisdom to take care of myself,” she explains. “This helps me be the person I want to be for my family and community.”

So far, our sessions—in which we discuss and practice different ways of self-care, and our obstacles to it—have included laughter (at our martyr-ish bladder-holding habits), a few tears and a lot of connection with one another.

“I realized this needed to be a workshop rather than individual sessions,” Kelley says. “Self-care, especially for women, takes all of us supporting each other and building community.”

For Kelley, whose two decades of counseling experience focused on crisis-level care—working for years for the Oceanside Women’s Resource Center and dealing with clients battling addictions, sexual abuse, mental illness and chronic illness—this is the first time she is focusing on people who are not in such crisis, but managing more of the everyday stress of modern, middle-class living.

“Doing crisis-level work is really important and profound, and I love it, but it is also nice to not only have that to do now,” she says.  “A lot of the precepts I use in the workshop I have been using with different people over time, but now I can take them to a deeper level because we are starting from a different place.”

As mother of two teenage daughters, and wife to busy fellow artist (glassblower), activist and creative director (for Carlsbad-based board game maker USAopoly) Tony Serebriany, Kelley admits that the workshop also helps her keep her own self-care in check. 

“We are seeing so many common themes that limit us from caring for ourselves,” she says. “My hope is to continue to challenge that both in my own model of caring for myself for my own daughters and in spreading the word about how critical self-nurturing is.”

One aspect Kelley stresses in the workshop, and in her own life, is the importance of a daily practice. “Intention is one thing but if you don’t have a practice of self-care, you will likely have a hard time moving forward and truly manifesting change,” she says.

Her work now—from her healing jewelry to handmade journals to this workshop—all centers on taking people’s personal intentions for living in healthier ways for their mind, body and spirit and offering myriad ways to remember and use those intentions in active ways. This self-care work, she believes, is actually much bigger than just our “selves.”

 “As we are committed to our own self-nurturing, an inner worthiness is cultivated and fed,” she says. “I really believe the better we feel about ourselves, the more loving kindness we can have for the world, out in the world. This has the potential to make a huge difference beyond our individual lives.”

So far, I can say the workshop is making a difference for me. Just the fact that I actually stopped and let my kids wait for me every time my bladder called me this week? Revolutionary.

The next Art of Soul Care workshop will be held all four Saturdays in May, from 3-5 p.m., in Carlsbad. Contact Kelley Grimes at 760-889-4575 for more information.