Dissed by Dr. Phil - Part 3

Continued from and Part 2

My PJ's were drenched and I was shaking from the nightmare. I still had another hour before the alarm went off, but I knew there was no way I could go back to sleep so I crawled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. As I turned on the light to wash my face and brush my teeth, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Not only were my eyes puffy, but – oh my Lord! – is one actually bigger than the other? And where did that huge red bump on my nose come from?  On no, I moaned at my reflection.  What am I going to do? I can't go on the show looking like this!

Don't be a cry-baby. Slap something on those eyes and get the lead out. We have to be on the road in two hours if we're gonna make the Dr. Phil Show on time.

Sybil to the rescue.

After a hot shower and tons of make up, I didn't look half bad.  My eyes were still swollen, but the brown eye shadow and mascara I slathered on had done the trick, and the red bump on my nose was barely noticeable thanks to an entire tube of concealer. Let's just pray it doesn't rain.

As I headed out the door I took one last look in the mirror and you know what? I looked pretty good. My hair turned out great - lots of loose blond curls - and the gold jewelry against my black outfit really looked sharp. Yes. I believe I'm “Giovanni” passable, I smiled, as I pulled out of the garage in my silver Lexus and headed for Hollywood.

The traffic into L.A. was tolerable and I pulled into Paramount Studios at exactly 7:45 a.m. Good, I thought, sighing with relief. I have fifteen minutes to pull myself together before checking in. Yanking down the rear view mirror, I spritzed my hair, added a touch of lipstick and off I went.

Flashing my ID and PerfectMatch.com email invitation to the smiling, bald man behind the desk, I was directed to an annex room directly behind the studio where the show was being taped. The area was large and rectangular in shape, and if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn I had just entered a taping on the Life and Times of an Avon Lady.

Tubes of lipstick, mascara, hair picks, hair spray, eye shadow and bottles of nail polish were flying. I even caught a glimpse of a tall, skinny redhead over in one corner brushing her teeth. Brushing her teeth? Here? Where's she gonna spit it ou.... Oh, Lord. Never mind. Thanks for sharing, lady.

Taking a quick glance around the room to size up my competition, I counted numerous women in all shapes and sizes primping and chattering about the show and meeting their match.

Grabbing a folding chair at the end of the second row, I decided to join ranks and check my damages. After digging a compact out of my little black purse I covertly slid off my sunglasses to take a peek. Hmm. Not bad. The puffiness appeared nearly gone and the red bump was still camouflaged.

Snapping my compact shut, I turned to see a blond-headed girl grinning at me from a chair across the aisle.

"You look really nice."

Slightly embarrassed, I smiled back, "Well, thank you very much."

"Hi. I'm Anna, and I'm SO nervous. Are you? Nervous, I mean?"

Anna appeared to be in her mid-twenties with pretty green eyes and little blond sausage curls all over her head. She was cute, in a pixie sort of way, but oh my - that hair. At any moment I expected her to burst out into a chorus of, On the Good Ship Lollipop.

"Mmm...I suppose I am just a little nervous", I replied, while caking on a bit more lipstick.

"My boyfriend said it was okay for me to come today," announced Anna with glee.

"Your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?", I asked slightly confused.

"Oh, yes. His name is Buddy. Buddy is so-o cute and nice. I mean, how many guys do you know who would let their girlfriend go on a matchmaking show?", Anna bragged.

Well, since I have no life and therefore don't know any guys, I suppose the answer would be a big zero, I scowled to myself.

"But if you have a boyfriend," I asked, "why are you..."

"Oh, interrupted Anna. "You mean - if I have a boyfriend why am I going on the show? Are you kidding? I'm here 'cause I wanna be on TV! I've told all my friends to watch! Isn't that so cool? To be on TV, I mean?

Let's see, I thought with disgust. I've been single since men lived in caves and hunted with clubs. I hardly ever have a date and when I do, it's almost always a disaster. My toes have bunions, my eyes are puffy, I have a red zit on my nose and I counted four (probably five by the time this day is over) huge wrinkles on my face. I have primped and pruned, plucked and puckered to get ready for today because I'm desperately hoping to meet Mr. Goodbar, and Little Miss Wiener-curls (I silently hissed) is going to use up and discard one good match because she wants to be on TV?

Before I could reply with a come back not befitting a soft-spoken, genteel lady such as myself (muffle it, Sybil), a man carrying a clipboard walked into the room and began speaking.

"Thank you all for coming today. We are just about ready to begin taping our special Dr. Phil Valentine's Day Show and I would like to give you instructions regarding your walk-on. As your name is called, please follow our ushers through this door and they will guide you to your seat."

"Ladies, you will be seated on one side of the stage and the men on the other." (nervous giggles floated throughout the room). "You will receive further instruction once everyone has been seated. We look forward to an exciting show – and thank you all once again for coming today."

"Barbara Davis...Eileen Franklin...Maryann Green." I sat fidgeting nervously on the edge of my seat as the roll call continued. Good grief, I shuddered. What if I actually do get matched up with Giovanni? I'm just liable to pass right out. Wouldn't that make for an interesting show, I chuckled to myself.

"Kathleen Vargas...Becky Willis...Camille W..". Oh my gosh! Here I go! Please dear God...anyone but Nose-hole, I prayed, as I took my seat on the set.