Wanna See Something Really Scary? Part 3 - Conclusion

Trying to sound relaxed and nonchalant, I replied ever so sweetly, "Oh? What is it?"

Moments later...

"Slow down, Camille. I can't understand a word you're saying. Where are you?"

"I'm at a pay phone in La Jolla", I answered breathlessly. "Like a stupid fool I left my cell phone at home, so when Ken went in to pay for gas, I ran to call you."

"Tell me what's wrong. You sound terrible. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, I'm okay....but...and then I began to blurt it all out.  "Dinner was fine...Ken was in the bathroom for what seemed forever...and then he said he had something to show me, and then when we were in the car at a red light," I continued without taking a breath, "he pulled it out and laid it on my lap."

"What?? He pulled it out and laid it on your lap?!"  Judy was beside herself.

"Yes-s-s," I cried into the phone.

"Oh my Lord, how could he do such a thing? I think I may pass out." Working to regain her composure, Judy tried once again to make sense of the conversation.

"Okay. Slow down for a minute and explain to me how he could possibly lay it on your lap while he was driving? Isn't that physically impossible?"

"Oh, Judy," I sighed with exasperation. "I'm not talking about that! What I mean is --he laid his hook on my lap! Right there at the red light!

"His hook?", Judy shouted.  What in heaven's name are you talking about?"

A gold, shiny hook! That's what I'm talking about!  You know - like Captain Hook?  He hid it in his pocket all night and then sprung it on me in the car.  At first I thought he was playing a joke on me and I was ready to blurt out, 'Oh....VERY funny'. But when I reached down and picked it up off my lap, I could tell the hook was real.  You know, I wouldn't have minded his hook if he had just showed it to me at the beginning of the evening.  Instead, he hides it all night and then springs it in on me in a dark car like...moo-wah-aha, surr-pri-rize!!

Suddenly it became very quiet on the other end of the phone, followed by what sounded like muffled laughter. "Judy!  Are you laughing at me?"

"Oh, Camille. I'm sorry, but you have to admit it's pretty funny. "

"Yeah, well, pretty funny if you're not the one holding the proverbial hook, so to speak. Oh, no. I've gotta go. Ken is heading back to the car."

I hung up fuming. I'm about ready to bag dating. No one is honest, everyone keeps secrets and pretends to be someone they're not. I'm just plain 'ol me. What you see is what you get. Nothing hidden. No secrets.

The beach was dark with only a sliver of moon to light the way. We picked a spot not too far from the water and spread our jackets out on the sand.  Thankfully, Ken turned out to be a good kisser and I did my best not to worry about where the hook was and what body part it might be fondling.

As Ken and I were lying on the sand embracing one another following a rather heated round of hugging and kissing, I felt a finger unexpectedly tap me on the shoulder. Mumbling something under his breath which sounded like, "...my God" and then the word "chair", Ken bolted up and looked down at me as though he'd seen a ghost.

“What's wrong, Ken?" Afraid there might be a snake or giant spider crawling by, I remained motionless on the sand as Ken sat staring with his mouth open.

Becoming agitated I asked again, "Ken. What is wrong with you? Why are you looking like that? Is it a bug, or snake, or something?"

"No....it's not a bug or a snake, but it's definitely something", answered Ken very calmly.

"Fine. Then what is it? You're scaring me ." Since it was dark and the moon was behind Ken, it was difficult to know for certain, but I could have sworn I saw a smirk cross his face as he nodded to an area of sand just to the right of my shoulder.

Slowly and cautiously rising up on my elbow, I turned and saw what appeared to be a dead rat lying on the sand just inches away from me. Startled and completely grossed out, my first inclination was to get up and run...and then it dawned on me... holy crud...that isn't a rat...that's my hair!

Frantically reaching toward the back of my head I realized that the stupid hair piece I had decided to wear must have come off when Ken and I were kissing. Oh the humanity.

"So...it looks like your hair fell off, huh?", snickered Ken, who was obviously reveling in my embarrassment.

"Oh, that", I replied, quickly stuffing the rat in my coat pocket as though it happened all the time and was no big deal.

"Well", yawned Ken as he stood and shook the sand out of his coat, "It's late so I guess we better get going." Translation: I'm getting out of here before anything else falls off.

"Yes", I agreed, smoothing down the remaining hair on my head. "You're very nice and it's been a great evening." Translation: You're weird and I hope I never see you again.

The next time there's a full moon, I'm staying home.