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Health & Fitness

Ex-Spouse Gifts & Keepsake Retention Etiquette: Help!

The garments currently stocked in your closet each tell a different story in which you were a central character.  So too does your furniture, the places where you vacation, the car you drive, and the people with whom you socialize.  If asked, you can immediately relate to the questioner the specifics surrounding the acquisition, the place, the item and the people that were also associated with the transaction.  Good memories, right?  Well, not to everyone close to you……………………………..

Consider today’s society, with it’s 50%+ divorce rate and “shacking up” having been accepted now for a couple of decades.  I was having drinks with a friend of mine recently and he shared with me an experience that he thought nothing of but his girlfriend felt bordered on insulting.  The two of them happened to be heading out to a social event with “Danny” sporting a shirt which “Carla” had not seen him wearing previously.  Carla complimented Danny on the Cameron Tucker-esque tog, and subsequently inquired where Danny had gotten his hands on the garment.  Danny’s reply:

“My ex-wife got it for me a couple of years ago.”

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The resounding crescendo of crickets chirping the rest of the night did not go unnoticed by my shell-shocked muchacho.  After several hours of pleading for an explanation for her mute behavior, Carla let loose her angst that Danny would still retain any item, let alone a gift, from his former spouse.   And to wear THAT shirt in front of her!  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

The conversation grew deeper and more intense.

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Danny:  “Are you serious?  My toaster oven and blender were part of the divorce settlement.  So are the glasses that you sip your wine out of and the plates that you scarf pizza from!  Should I get rid of those things, too?  Where the bleep does it end?”

Good thing he didn’t mention that the linens which bedazzle his California Queen bed and that the two of them currently share for years also enveloped he and the former Mrs. Danny!  I don’t believe Danny would have been out for drinks with me that recent evening had an inventory of items still in his possession from his past marriage been certifiably audited and reviewed by Carla. 

Here is truly a question for today’s couples:  What is the proper etiquette with regard to retention of former spouse keepsakes?  What items are acceptable to keep, and which are not?  How long a period should such “souvenirs” be kept in one’s possession?  And should this practice even be considered insulting?  Your comments would be appreciated.  Danny can’t be alone in his victimization!

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