Silver Fox (noun): An attractive older man. Generally, one that has gray hair and is often desired by younger women.
“You don’t even know how sexy you are, do you?”
I was leaning against the dryer wearing his oversize cargo shorts and a tight red tank top.
I smiled coyly and shrugged my shoulders right before he walked over to me, lifted me onto the dryer with ease and kissed me like he meant it.
“Well, you are,” he said with certainty.
We dated for four strange months. He was older, successful and extremely attractive. He took me out on expensive dates, showed me off to friends, and even brought me presents from his business trips. I was in a state of ignorant bliss as I ignored all the giant, glaring red flags. He refused to meet any of my friends even though I had met about 30 of his, there was no talk about "our relationship" and unless our encounters were based purely on convenient fun he wanted no part of it. I mean, heaven forbid, I need to have a real adult conversation with him. I was just a trophy; some sort of souvenir.
I’ve never been good with moms. His was no exception. It was all good at first. I dressed in my Sundays finest and made sure I washed my mouth out with soap before arriving. Dinner went well, I said everything I was supposed to say and then we all went back to their house for a nightcap. Yes, he lives with his mom.
That’s when she said it.
Planted that seed in my head that would be the demise of our “fairytale relationship”… “Watch out for him, he always says things he knows women want to hear.”
At this point, he knew he wasn’t getting any. We had already had the celibacy talk (I try to get it out of the way by date three). But we certainly did have a lot of fun together. We made a list of new things that we were going to do (hot air ballooning, hang-gliding…) and we were extremely attracted to one another. But I realized that when the fun and flirting subsided, so did he.
We initially met when he came into my restaurant in La Jolla. I was his server and was not feeling particularly cute that morning. But he was feeling particularly flirty. As I brought their check he got out of the booth and stood up next to me, towering above at 6 foot 4, he look at me and smiled confidently, “Oh yeah, that’ll work.” I was confused but intrigued. As it turns out, he knew the manager of this restaurant, sent him an email asking about my “story.” He called my work an hour after he left, asked the hostess to get me and then asked me on a date. It was romantic and I was done for. We went out that weekend and I reluctantly fell hard. He brought me flowers, came to the door to get me, met my mom… did everything right. At the end of the night, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and adorably admitted to being nervous. After that night we spent a lot of our time together. Going on fun dates, challenging each other to try new things, kissing, talking about future plans.
I think when he saw that look in my eyes that said I care, I want to love you he retreated. On his last business trip I bought him a book that we had talked about and inside I wrote a list of the things we had said we were going to do together. I thought it was cute. He must’ve freaked out. When he got back he never called. I was devastated. I went through that whole “why am I not enough” phase for a long time. Then I came to my senses and realized this was all a game for him. He had no intention of investing emotionally.
Lesson #1: If it’s too good to be true, that might be because it is… or he’s not being truthful… or I’m living in La La Land.
Lesson #2: I don’t simply want to be a prize that is won.
Lesson #3: Stop dating Mama’s Boys!