Don't fight in front of me!!!!

I remember the police came to our apartment during my parents divorce. I don't remember the incident that set off this call to the police, but I sure remember the cops. From the time my mom first told me, "A lady called to tell me your dad has another woman." I was caught in the middle of my parent's divorce and that was NOT a fun place to be! Each parent said bad things about the other one and this went on for years. In fact, 50 years later, they will still make negative comments about the other one.

As a child it was very uncomfortable for me to deal with the negativity and swipes they took at each other without feeling like I had to take sides. Many parents who are contemplating divorce, do so just to make sure the children don't have to grow up with parents who fight. If that is your primary motivation for getting divorced in the first place, why continue the fight in court? It makes no sense to heighten the tension by bringing lawyers into your divorce, since they tend to make things much worse than necessary.

Think about it rationally for a minute. If things are already not going too well with your soon to be ex, don't you think that pouring gasoline on this fire, by adding lawyers, judges and court, is the best option? Divorce only has 3 areas of potential conflict, 1) support issues, 2) property/debt division and 3) custody. It isn't that complicated.

Every state has guidelines regarding support. They all use a mathematical formula that determine child support. There are 3 primary numbers that are used to calculate support, 1) mom's income, 2) dad's income and 3) each parent's time share with the children. There are other numbers that can come into play like payments made for health insurance, mandatory retirement deductions, property taxes paid and mortgage interest paid. Would you fight over 2 + 2= 4? No one should fight over math. The outcome is not a mystery.

Property and debt division is the area that makes the LEAST sense to fight about. Couples often spend more money fighting over who gets what, then the things cost in the first place. Go to this webpage for GREAT ideas on how to divide property and avoid court.
http://www.divorce-inaday.com/blog/9-tips-to-avoid-court

It is vital that you avoid court when determining contested child custody issues. The adversarial legal process will destroy your co-parenting relationship. Instead of running to court if you don't agree on custody, try using a Special Master instead. Is there a couple who has already successfully raised their children, whose opinion you trust? They would be the perfect Special Master to use if you have disputes about the children. This is an honor most people would gladly accept. When issues come up, the parents go to the Special Master, explain their positions and leave it to the Special Master to give their best advice which would be followed by the parents. This avoids court and attorney expenses. If you don't know a couple you both trust, have one parent give a list of 3 child therapists to the other parent who will interview them and make the final decision. That way each parent has input. Avoiding court by using a Special Master will save so much money and reduce the tension between parents.

As a child of a nasty divorce, ex special ed teacher, ex trail attorney and current divorce mediator, I KNOW that it is critical for parents to work together so that the children don't suffer. Whether or not you have a peaceful divorce is up to you. Your children will thank you for protecting them from being caught in a tug of war. Don't start a war with the children trapped in the middle of a battle zone. Peaceful Divorce is an idea whose time has come!